Let's dive right in.
2011 brought some unusual changes to the house of Merrill. In January I found out I was pregnant with my second baby.
That was all very exciting as it was sort of a surprise, although not completely. I was attending school full time and when morning sickness struck, life suddenly became a lot more difficult. It was also during this time that my then-husband informed me of some feelings that had apparently been simmering for quite some time, but I was completely unaware as I carried on with what I thought was our happy little life, tending to the needs of my 2 year old and husband and loving my life and family.
My favorite family picture of us taken November 2009
I was heartbroken, to say the least, when divorce was proposed. Especially during such an already emotionally demanding time as a pregnancy.
It was REALLY hard to comprehend and accept. I don't really feel the need to get into too much detail since this blog will be public and I realize that I'm not the only one with hurt feelings here, but to add essential details, we separated in late Spring 2011.
The rest of my pregnancy was a blur at times. I felt blinded by my grief and loneliness. And yet through the anguish, I found that so many of my prayers were answered through other people. My ward (or in other words, church congregation) really did rise to the occasion in caring for my 2 year old and I. There were many dinners dropped off, babysitting taken care of so I could study and do homework, individuals who listened and offered advice, and those who literally cried along with me. Never have I experienced the bitter with the sweet so profoundly. There were nights when I felt so surrounded by darkness, I wished that I would never wake up, my reality felt so awful. But I think more were the times that I felt encircled about by angels.
I gave birth to Juliette in October and that too was bittersweet considering the circumstances. Mostly sweet though. Babies are so cute.
Some of my amazing family (and best friend) from Southern California and Arizona came out to help me before, during, and after the baby was born.
Shortly after that, my divorce was finalized and so was that chapter of my life. I still have a hard time believing that I have survived divorce. And much to my disbelief, I have discovered that there is life after divorce. A whole lot of it, actually. The life of a single mom is never dull.
In so many ways, I have felt that 2012 was going to be amazing and so far, it has been. Well, I wouldn't say that children falling off of tall playground equipment, me getting food poisoning, and the baby getting RSV are necessarily amazing, but life has had some amazing changes for me and my kids. I feel that we continued to be blessed despite our hardships in this life and all I have to do is open my eyes to see the plethora of blessings all around us.
So there's a little bit of background on me. I suppose if you are dying for details I have left out you could shoot me an email. I am not offended by questions.
I'll do an update on the kiddos.
Ava... my little Ava. Well, she's not so little anymore. I'm not really sure what happened. I think perhaps they put Miracle Gro in the cereal as well as high fructose corn syrup? She's super tall, and super heavy and her vocabulary kind of blows my mind. She's into full sentences now. And she's really good at repeating them. And she's really good at repeating them. AND SHE'S REALLY GOOD AT REPEATING THEM! Seriously.
I can't even believe my two and a half year old bosses me around, but she does! I'm not sure how this is accomplished, but it is! It's scary. Ava is very much into pink ponies and baby dolls and the dreaded Dora tv show. Well, I guess she likes other shows like Dragon Tales and Wonder Pests, I mean, Wonder PETS. There are some days that the tv stays off, but even then I still have to listen to her sing about "wonder pets, wonder pets, we're ON our way, to help the baby hippo and save the daaaaaaaaaay..." ugh. Please. Let me be unconscious. Because of the busy nature of my schedule, it's super easy to turn the tv on for her, but she also likes to color and play pretend and build legos. She turns 3 in May and I am super excited for her birthday. Mostly because it means we get to eat cake. Oh, and I get to see the look on my daughter's face as she opens her presents.. while I eat cake. Cake?
Juliette. Juliette is a .............different baby. I've said it often but Ava spoiled me rotten with her adorable, EASY baby ways. Juliette is all of those cliche's about second kids come true and then some.
Juliette 4 months old
My first kid slept through the night at 4 weeks old. Juliette is nearly five months and still wakes me up 4-6 times a night, and then just about every half hour after 4 a.m. So that's probably more than 6 times a night but I prefer to lie to myself so my brain doesn't explode from lack of sleep. All in all, she's definitely more challenging than my first infant. But her personality is so different, I guess it makes sense. She is way more aggressive with her toys than Ava ever was. She loves, loves, loves to hold her toys, and listen to the crinkley ones crinkle, and jangle the rattles, and look at the colors, and then she'll baby talk about it if she's really in the mood. She's also a very sensitive baby. She doesn't like to be left alone and tonight I discovered, after trying so many ways to get this girl to peacefully go to sleep, that if she can see me, and hear me singing to her softly, (but I CAN'T be holding her) and I have the "babbling brook" setting on her cradle noise maker set to maximum noise making level, and after much tossing and turning and some whining, she will drift off peacefully. "Crying it out" never sat well with me OR her. She's just a different baby than the books or internet seem to think. I wish I had tried this earlier. Kinda feels like an epic mom fail. But oh well. It's only my second baby. I still don't know how to parent most of the time. I will be the first to admit that.
So overall life is pretty grand. I am learning on a daily basis how to be happy with what I have and not what I used to have, or might have, or wish I had. My kids are my teachers and I learn more from my 2 year old than I do from my math teacher. That could also be the selective hearing problem I have.
I'll do my best to update as often as possible. I realize that this is the modern version of journaling and while I do have a personal blog AND journal, I think people appreciate having some mode of keeping up with the people they know and love.
Love,
Stephanie
No comments:
Post a Comment