Today is Tuesday

Last night Ava, Juliette, and I made it back to the Denver airport. After a quick visit with the Colorado grandparents, we made our way back to our apartment.

Walking into my apartment that I hadn't seen for about 11 days was a little weird. I had rushed to clean things before I left and I'm glad I did that. Not having to worry about the trash, diaper pail, or dishes was a good welcome. Morgan had retrieved a dresser for Ava's room while we were away and left it in my living room. Upon inspection, I was delighted to see that it had five drawers, one of them being very deep. It's quite spacious and a good piece of furniture, even for when she's wearing much bigger clothes. I was so excited to have a place for Ava's clothes that before I even went to bed, I dragged it into her room. I went to bed exhausted although a few things were on my mind so I tossed a bit until I finally fell asleep.

My alarm interrupted my sleep because I had school this morning. I didn't make it. My body felt so worn out from traveling the day before that I texted the kid's dad and said I wasn't bringing them; I was skipping my classes for the day to sleep in. But I don't regret it. I felt more rested when I finally got out of bed.

This happens every time I come home from visiting my family in California; I get a somewhat sad and depressed at how quiet things seem. Having my dad, sister, brother in law, and their three kids around me all the time can be stressful but I guess I really enjoy it. I suddenly felt very empty.

Ava, Juliette and their three cousins in California. I love them all!!!!!

So I started to do what I always do when I'm feeling anxious, sad, scared, angry, happy, overjoyed, or just plain bored; I started cleaning. 

At first it just started out with unpacking the suitcase, putting things away, and putting together the baby jumper that I figured Juliette was finally big enough for. 

But then it turned into filling Ava's new dresser and just generally cleaning her room. It took me a good part of the afternoon to redo her closet which has been full of diaper boxes holding clothes from size newborn to 5(T). Ugh. What a project. But I finished! I wanted to be able to utilize her closet for more than just storage. I wanted her to be able to get in it too. 

I should have snapped a picture of what it looked like before I started taking boxes out...it had been a bad attempt at organization. 

The clothing storage diaper boxes work if you have maybe 10 boxes. But we were pushing 30 boxes. Something had to be done. 

Can you believe all of these boxes were in Ava's closet? I much prefer the plastic containers! 

So I got some clear storage bins from Target and moved most of the clothes to those. 

I plan on rotating the clothes well enough and getting rid of the stuff the baby outgrows so that I won't need more than the 6 boxes. 

And while I'm at it, I squared Ava's room away as much as I could. My room is next. But that's another day because that's both Juliette's and my clothes. 

(Juliette isn't in the crib yet.) Here's the "before" picture. I had been storing J's clothes in here because both girls were sharing a four drawer dresser in my room.

One day, when the baby stops waking up at night consistently, she'll sleep in here. 

Here's a random one from my California trip... that's me and Juliette

Ava was caught digging in her nose

My only niece Natalie 

Handsome little Nathaniel, one of my nephews

Juliette with grandma, my mom

My mom entertaining my kids

Two very dear friends with my kids 

Love this girl

Juliette with grandpa, my dad

Nathaniel and Ava, only a few months apart in age. Totally caught them playing dress up :-)

Juliette with my grandpa, her great-grandpa. She loved him! He has Alzheimer's but hasn't forgotten how to love his grandbabies!

Ava and my grandma, her great grandma

My grandparents with Juliette

Grandma and Ava

My aunt and I :-) Love her!

Out of order, but Ava's room after I tried to organize it.

Her room is mostly done! Just need to put the baby in there eventually.

So after doing Ava's room she asked for a snack while I made dinner so I started chopping up an apple. Then things got interesting. 

Um, whoops. I guess I'm stronger and more violent than I thought. 

I told Ava she better eat the whole thing because I put blood and sweat into that apple. Of course, that was after I pulled out the ninja star. 

So all in all it's been a productive day full of organizing, cleaning, sending Ava to the corner for beating up her baby sister, and missing everyone back home. Hopefully I'll get to visit again soon. 

Peace out!

Stephanie

We be rollin'

It's so cool I caught this on video! I love technology. Juliette is just over 5 months old in this video and the date was 3/16/2012. These dang kids grow so fast.

Fresno

 So last Thursday Juliette, Ava, and I all boarded a plane in Denver and flew on a two hour flight to Ontario, California. The flight wasn't too bad. It was the part before and after the plane that was challenging.

For weeks I had been thinking about my plan of action in regards to flying on a plane with two small children. I needed to bring a large suitcase, a backpack, a diaper bag, a stroller, a car seat, an Ava, and a Juliette. I decided to wear Juliette in the baby wrap on my front and put the monkey leash on Ava. I pushed the diaper bag in the car seat that sat in the stroller, and wheeled the large suitcase with one hand,and pushed the stroller with the other. I got a lot of looks and comments at the airport about how full my hands looked. Full indeed. I remember feeling some anxiety as we stood in line about to check in with the airline. I was glad Ava was on the monkey leash because if she had taken off, I would not have been able to run after her. I figured if I yelled "terrorist" maybe airport security could tackle her for me. Luckily, it never came to that. Ava was uncharacteristically well behaved and the baby was so fascinated by everything around her, she didn't fuss or squirm in the wrap.

Once on the plane, all of us did really well. The baby slept most of the time and Ava just sat there singing to herself while I peeked a glance at the neighboring passenger movie playing on his iPad.  We landed around 9 p.m. and it felt so good to get off the plane. I could feel the humidity and it was great.

Juliette was diagnosed with RSV (a respiratory infection) a few days before we flew out to California and her cough was just awful. She was so congested and miserable and the doctor had given us a nebulizer and Albuterol medicine for her so she could have some relief. It took about a day and a half and her cough was already improving. We have been out here for three days and it has almost disappeared. It's sounding more "normal" and she's sleeping better at night because she can breathe. I can almost guarantee you that it is because it's not so dry out here that she improved so quickly. The doctor made it sound like she would have this for months, as well as the story I had heard from fellow parents. So, awesome! A happy baby makes for a happy mommy. As well as a happy vacation.

We took this last weekend and drove up to Fresno to visit some of my extended family.

My cousin (holding Juliette) and her daughter

Cousin Tommy with Natalie being silly :-)

And they all got to see my kids, which none of them had ever met. I have been promising myself that I will NEVER let so much time go by in seeing my family ever again! I realize there are things like financial restraints and time limits and so forth but seriously?! Family is so important. I just really feel like it is. These people are special to me and I love them and want to know them and want them to know me and my family.

My cousin with my baby

New Cousin!!!!

So I originally thought I would drive up with my dad but ended up renting a car and driving myself up (Mazda 6, will you marry me?!). But my sister and my niece went with and it worked out so great! I had someone to talk to and help drive, and my 6 year old niece Natalie sat in the middle seat between my kids and entertained Ava and help immensely with the baby! She could give the baby a bottle and help her play with her toys and we had no crying until the last hour of our trip on the way back to Rancho Cucamonga. It was great! She was a wonderful little helper.

It was a whirlwind weekend but it was so nice seeing my family. I heard my grandma's voice waver when we were hugging goodbye, and I teared up. As quirky as she is sometimes, I am so blessed to have a really involved, concerned, and loving grandma on my dad's side. I often feel really guilty for going 7ish years without seeing her. Never again. Life is too short.

My grandma, with some of her great-granddaughters :-)

Ava and my niece Natalie had a great time with their uncle and it was nice for me and my sister to catch up on the family gossip and laugh and be together with everyone. These are memories I will cherish forever.

On our way back from Fresno we stopped briefly at a lake I have passed many times in my life but never got out and looked at. It was Pyramid Lake and it was very pretty. And windy. And kind of cold, according to the kids.

Ava, me, Juliette, Natalie

Ava, Jennifer, Natalie

So now that we're back, I officially have one week left in California and I'm hoping to visit my Great Grandma's grave, see some more family who lives in the area, visit some friends, and continue being in a place where my main responsibility is to have a good time and try to relax.

My uncle, their great-uncle took the kids for a wheel barrel ride in the backyard.  

Happy cousins

Days as of late...

I have wanted to set up a family blog for a long time and I think it's high time I got to it. I kept thinking I would sit down and do it when I had time but now laugh at myself repeatedly because... time? Really? I don't even know the meaning of that. Nor do I know the meaning of words like "sleep," "quiet," or "money," but I digress.

Let's dive right in. 

2011 brought some unusual changes to the house of Merrill. In January I found out I was pregnant with my second baby.

 That was all very exciting as it was sort of a surprise, although not completely. I was attending school full time and when morning sickness struck, life suddenly became a lot more difficult. It was also during this time that my then-husband informed me of some feelings that had apparently been simmering for quite some time, but I was completely unaware as I carried on with what I thought was our happy little life, tending to the needs of my 2 year old and husband and loving my life and family.

My favorite family picture of us taken November 2009

I was heartbroken, to say the least, when divorce was proposed. Especially during such an already emotionally demanding time as a pregnancy. 

It was REALLY hard to comprehend and accept. I don't really feel the need to get into too much detail since this blog will be public and I realize that I'm not the only one with hurt feelings here, but to add essential details, we separated in late Spring 2011. 

The rest of my pregnancy was a blur at times. I felt blinded by my grief and loneliness. And yet through the anguish, I found that so many of my prayers were answered through other people. My ward (or in other words, church congregation) really did rise to the occasion in caring for my 2 year old and I. There were many dinners dropped off, babysitting taken care of so I could study and do homework, individuals who listened and offered advice, and those who literally cried along with me. Never have I experienced the bitter with the sweet so profoundly. There were nights when I felt so surrounded by darkness, I wished that I would never wake up, my reality felt so awful. But I think more were the times that I felt encircled about by angels. 

I gave birth to Juliette in October and that too was bittersweet considering the circumstances. Mostly sweet though. Babies are so cute.  

Some of my amazing family (and best friend) from Southern California and Arizona came out to help me before, during, and after the baby was born.

Shortly after that, my divorce was finalized and so was that chapter of my life. I still have a hard time believing that I have survived divorce. And much to my disbelief, I have discovered that there is life after divorce. A whole lot of it, actually. The life of a single mom is never dull.

In so many ways, I have felt that 2012 was going to be amazing and so far, it has been. Well, I wouldn't say that children falling off of tall playground equipment, me getting food poisoning, and the baby getting RSV are necessarily amazing, but life has had some amazing changes for me and my kids. I feel that we continued to be blessed despite our hardships in this life and all I have to do is open my eyes to see the plethora of blessings all around us. 

So there's a little bit of background on me. I suppose if you are dying for details I have left out you could shoot me an email. I am not offended by questions. 

I'll do an update on the kiddos.

Ava... my little Ava. Well, she's not so little anymore. I'm not really sure what happened. I think perhaps they put Miracle Gro in the cereal as well as high fructose corn syrup? She's super tall, and super heavy and her vocabulary kind of blows my mind. She's into full sentences now. And she's really good at repeating them. And she's really good at repeating them. AND SHE'S REALLY GOOD AT REPEATING THEM! Seriously. 

I can't even believe my two and a half year old bosses me around, but she does! I'm not sure how this is accomplished, but it is! It's scary. Ava is very much into pink ponies and baby dolls and the dreaded Dora tv show. Well, I guess she likes other shows like Dragon Tales and Wonder Pests, I mean, Wonder PETS. There are some days that the tv stays off, but even then I still have to listen to her sing about "wonder pets, wonder pets, we're ON our way, to help the baby hippo and save the daaaaaaaaaay..." ugh. Please. Let me be unconscious. Because of the busy nature of my schedule, it's super easy to turn the tv on for her, but she also likes to color and play pretend and build legos. She turns 3 in May and I am super excited for her birthday. Mostly because it means we get to eat cake. Oh, and I get to see the look on my daughter's face as she opens her presents.. while I eat cake. Cake? 

Juliette. Juliette is a .............different baby. I've said it often but Ava spoiled me rotten with her adorable, EASY baby ways. Juliette is all of those cliche's about second kids come true and then some.

Juliette 4 months old

My first kid slept through the night at 4 weeks old. Juliette is nearly five months and still wakes me up 4-6 times a night, and then just about every half hour after 4 a.m. So that's probably more than 6 times a night but I prefer to lie to myself so my brain doesn't explode from lack of sleep. All in all, she's definitely more challenging than my first infant. But her personality is so different, I guess it makes sense. She is way more aggressive with her toys than Ava ever was. She loves, loves, loves to hold her toys, and listen to the crinkley ones crinkle, and jangle the rattles, and look at the colors, and then she'll baby talk about it if she's really in the mood. She's also a very sensitive baby. She doesn't like to be left alone and tonight I discovered, after trying so many ways to get this girl to peacefully go to sleep, that if she can see me, and hear me singing to her softly, (but I CAN'T be holding her) and I have the "babbling brook" setting on her cradle noise maker set to maximum noise making level, and after much tossing and turning and some whining, she will drift off peacefully. "Crying it out" never sat well with me OR her. She's just a different baby than the books or internet seem to think. I wish I had tried this earlier. Kinda feels like an epic mom fail. But oh well. It's only my second baby. I still don't know how to parent most of the time. I will be the first to admit that.

So overall life is pretty grand. I am learning on a daily basis how to be happy with what I have and not what I used to have, or might have, or wish I had. My kids are my teachers and I learn more from my 2 year old than I do from my math teacher. That could also be the selective hearing problem I have. 

I'll do my best to update as often as possible. I realize that this is the modern version of journaling and while I do have a personal blog AND journal, I think people appreciate having some mode of keeping up with the people they know and love. 

Love, 

Stephanie